Thursday, April 1, 2010

Digby the Toematurge

Something foolish for April, originally written for the sadly moribund Lexicon of Vanth.

Ptolemy "Digby" Digicarpus (1245-1321 Blackhawk Municipal Calendar) was a master warlock, champion speed-walker and the sole inventor of the toematurgical arts. Though he is considered a somewhat pedestrian figure by most modern historians of magic, the "Ten Toes of Digby" are still widely circulated and invoked by practicing warlocks.

A brief review of his career in toto shows Digby's treadmarks all across the lands of Vanth. Quite literally, in fact, as Digby is generally considered to be the only person to circumnavigate known Vanth by walking (a feat which is now highly improbable due to the collapse of the Great Salt Bridge into what is now known as the Salty Bay). In the months after his return to the City of Blackhawk, bedridden with crippling calluses, Digby researched the telemorphic spell Big Step, a variation of The Walking Boots of Sinotroan Nine Zed designed for long-distance locomotion.

Once his calluses healed, an incognito Digby shoehorned his way into a band of adventurers intent on digging up the bones of the dracotyrannoid Parathraxus Rex. Sadly, the paleontological raiding party fell afoul of the giant Klawfoot Kloot, and none but Digby returned from the journey. He devoted himself thereafter to spell research and Blackhawk's underground extreme speed-walking leagues. Ostensibly retired from adventuring, Digby was still a fixture at the annual Blackhawk Dungeon Crawl, Walk or Run, competing in the Ten Level division to the last.

For all his accomplishments, Digby came to an ignominious end. Invited to a charity dance contest, the septuagenarian warlock instead found himself in a disco duel with the henchmen of the sinister duckoid psi-knight Quincunx du Mallard. Too proud to admit defeat, Digby matched every move of Sheikh LeFreak and Deney 3PO,1 but sprained his ankle attempting a reverse gravity electric slide. Exhausted and lamed, Digby was trapped in a mirror mind globe by the black-brained du Mallard and forced to dance himself to death.

Simon Blotto, Scribe of the Grand Library of Morgendorgen

1. Additional henchmen of Quincunx du Mallard include Vinnie Mallardino, Cha-Ka Khan & the Fever Knight.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Yeah the Lexicon of Vanth isn't the gold mine of ideas it was for a brief time. I believe we all have too many irons in the fire and hope we, collectively, return to mine our humorous brand of ideas at the LoV in the near future.