Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Creeping Crud

Something has gone terribly wrong with my submission to Rondo's Fugly Dice competition, and I now fear I may be responsible for an outbreak of...

The Creeping Crud

Numbers 1 swarm
# ATT 1
ATT % melee 40
Damage 1-10 pt
Hit Points 1-100
Save 50%
Edible 5%
% Lurk 06%
$ Value 42 per seed
Special pratfalls, itchiness & dolor

Creeping Crud is a fast spreading swarm organism born from pentagonal trapezohedronic seeds from space. It is the scourge of the Amalgamated Postal Corps throughout Vanth. The seeds are highly sought after by collectors of gewgaws as well as the Sect of The Ten Faced God, who often trade them through the mail. Unless the correct phasic precautions are taken when the seeds are transported an outbreak of Creeping Crud swarms may occur (An example of poor packaging would be wrapping a seed in a few squares of TP and hoping for the best).

A Creeping Crud swarm attacks by rolling on the floor underfoot, waiting for the unwary to slip and fall (sneak attack 77%). When this happens they engulf the victim and attack with painful stings. The sting causes an itchy and depressing rash over d% of the victims body (-10% ATT values, -20% Seduce, victim will feel a crushing sense of disappointment about how his or her life turned out, which may explain why postal workers can be so surly) and unless a successful roll of Consume Alien Food is made the victim will produce a new Creeping Crud seed in 2-20 days in a manner left to the reader's imagination.

MP3s: Memphis Jug Band (CD or Download)
* Gator Wobble
* Fourth Street Mess Around
Got nothing to do with the above, but sure do make me feel better.


Ron said...

Ha! BRILLIANT! I love the way, I have the complete recordings of everything the Memphis Jug Band did...talkin' like probably 5 cd volumes...and I also have recordings of nearly every recordable jug band from the 20's and 30s....should I hook yas up?

Max said...

RE: Jug Bands
Awesome. Is it the Document series on MJB you got? They do good stuff. I have a fair bit of jug music, Yazoo's Ruckus Juice & Chitlins Vol 1 & 2 and single disc comps of MJB and Gun Cannon's Jug Stompers. So I'm good...though I don't have the tune "Cave Man Blues."

Speaking of old time music, I have quite a fair collection of old time Appalachian music myself. Anything in that vein you're looking for let me know and I'll see what I can dig up.