Thursday, July 10, 2008

Tirapheg Week: Encounter Critical


Greta Hipp, Pirate Limb-Taker

The Chopping Blokes are a freebooting band of limb traders who maraud across southern Vanth on the hovercraft Guillotine. Sailing land and sea alike they leave a trail of hook-handed and stump-legged victims in their wake. Though by no means a gentle bunch they work fast and clean, processing their "donors" with the self-sharpening and auto-cauterizing limb slicers that equip their ship.

The captain of the Guillotine and queen of the Blokes is Greta Hipp. A freak Lamarckian mutant born to champion three-legged racers, Greta has multiple detachable limbs--three each of arms, legs, and heads. Ordinarily she wears her own heads and arms but affects a pair of peg legs, but naturally she maintains an arsenal of specialized limbs for battle and adventuring. Her eyes are green and grey and blue, and she's a natural blond, brunette and redhead.


pin-up art by Donald Rust Greta, rather fetching with her extra limbs detached

Her crew is steady and loyal. Greta keeps their pillaging in check, but their violent urges find an outlet in frequent skirmishes with other limb traders, bandits and privateers. When battle is certain the captain arms herself with brawny wooky or frankenstein fists and a robodroid arm with built-in grappling hook. She often dons grimacing gargoyle faces or blank manikin heads to unnerve her foes. Her weapons of choice are twin rock salt pistols, cutlass, and a stingray whip.


Stats and pirate songs after the cut.


Greta Hipp (Pioneer 5)

ADA 14
DEX 12
ESP 11
INT 12
LEA 16
LUC 5
MAG 10
ROB 8
STR 10

HP 29
Saving Throw 28% (43% with armor)
Melee ATT/DAM 50%/-
Ranged ATT/DAM 84%/+4

MUTATIONS: Detachable Limbs, Unusual Locomotion

WEAPONS & GEAR
Rock Salt pistols (D 2-16, 7"/25", distance penalty -4)
Stingray Whip (D 2-12 + pain causes 20% penalty to skill rolls for one round, 4" reach, 55% scare)
Cutlass
Squid Ink and Skunk Bombs

SEE ALSO: The Pin-Up Files. I only visit it for character portraits, honest.

MP3: Stump - Chaos (Out of Print - Used Compact Disc - Download)
If you listen to only one pirate anthem from an obscure 80s band this week, let this be the one!

MP3: Firesign Theatre, Ralph Spoilsport's Going Out of Body Sale (Compact Disc - Download)
A limb trader's gotta unload her plunder somewhere.

2 comments:

Dr-Rotwang said...

So...these pirates just go around collecting limbs for...what purpose?

Brilliant idea, but I want to understand it better.

Max said...

Dude, man it's on the map! *point, point* It sez right here, Limb Traders!

But here's what I figure: Replacement body parts! like the Firesign Theatre MP3 explains: "Live forever while your friends fall apart around you like rotten fruit" Maybe they borrow the occacional kidney too. And don't klengons have a massively redundant organ structure? "Ya got two hearts left, quit yer bellyachin'!"

And, since their victims are in need of limbs to replace their lost legs and arms, the pirates issue pawn tickets too. It's your basic hack & hock operation, sheesh.